What would you do without a GIRL- FRIEND??

So lets talk Friendship Business Okay ?! because I can sense as I grow further into Adulthood how friendships can change; but also their importance in our lives in general. Nevertheless, living in a much more digitized world could make it hard or even confusing to understand friendships as a whole

According to Encyclopedia.com (2012), Friendship is a relationship  made up of broad, ambiguous or shifting borders.Moreover, the term friend and friendship means different things to different people at a different time. This suggests that, friendship could be looked at just like would intimate relationships. Also, some people are blessed with great friendships starting from elementary,primary, secondary leading to higher education. This is a Gift for some people because not everyone can enjoy that luxury of long-term friends.

Nowadays,most women are known to be notorious to other women  they may encounter in society, politics,in the workplace, at home etc. In fact, an article in thedailyfemme(2012) states that women could be described as misogynists themselves with the example of the Salem witch trials. Furthermore, these trials occurred between 1692 to 1693 in Massachussets , USA  where three women were brought to court as they were being accused of practicing some sort of witchcraft at the time. Of the two women that pleaded innocent, the third woman claimed that she was guilty of being influenced by "bad spirits" and suggested that other women practiced as well as she did. Unfortunately, this confession led to all three women  being thrown in jail. (smithsonianmag, 2007)Subsequently, it caused a lot of controversy with people believing that any other women could be influenced as well.

This goes to show that,  women sometimes do try to put other women down. The question remains why do they behave in this manner? could it be to exercise power over other women? It could be  for many reasons.

Subsequently, the term friendship is referred as a relationship where both partners  express individualized interest, concern, commitment. Also, friends commit by giving themselves the time in absence of constraints toward interaction that are external to the relationship itself. Finally, the more these factors are expressed the stronger the friendship. ( Encyclopedia.com, 2012)

When it comes to women vs men in terms of friendships , it is clear that there are some gender differences:

 The table above shows that friendships between Women are not praised in society, they have a bad reputation. On the other hand, Men are praised for their ability to be unselfish and their willingness to sacrifice themselves in the name of friendship.

My experience with friendship: it has been overwhelming throughout my life stages. However, I understood that they played a role into making me the person I am today . I grew up as the only girl with three brothers and never really experienced the "dark side" of friendships until I made friends with other women. The more I looked into it the more I realized that it also had something to do with me and that i had to look at myself first before looking at them. Still I'm glad i do not have a sister  ( no offense to those who do) simply because I have more fun with my brothers. I have had some okay experiences with women but I do not envy those with sisters. I simply do not.                 

I recently came across a teaching  by Iyanla Vanzant from the Oprah's lifeclass, on relationships with women, especially those involving a lot of cattiness, competition etc. whatever you may call it. This makes me think there hope for us women :), particularly those who believe it is acceptable to behave in a rather Repulsive manner or worse! These few tips from Iyanla Vanzant make it clear for us who may be confused about where the misbehavior of certain women may stem from:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Oprah-and-Iyanla-Vanzant-Terrible-Things-Women-Do-to-Each-Other

5 Reasons women lie to each other:

• Fear of losing Love & Respect
• Fear of Hurting, Upsetting a& Disappointing
• To Cover Issues of self worth
• When we feel threatened
• To be polite

" Gossip is when you have a malice of intent or mindless, third-party conversation to someone about someone, something you haven't said to that someone".

When women Gossip  ( and I am guilty of this one ha!) Its self hexing. Because when you do it, it comes back to you.

On why women Gossip :

• To get power
• Its an acceptable practice
• We don't recognize the power of the spoken word
• It diverts attention to our own issues

  "This is the truth about self-hatred. Truly successful, powerful people want other people to be empowered. Truly successful people want you to be empowered because they want you to feel the light they are feeling."

Why women Betray each other:

1) Self Hatred
2) We do not honor our relationships
3)We seek external validation
4)We do not Honor ourselves
5)We mimic what we have seen
6) We hold unrealistic demands

These are just some notes from my watching that episode and you too can watch ( see website link above) and maybe you can learn & grow from it as well.

To conclude, you may want to ask yourself this question as a woman: How can I shift my behavior in order to create CONSTRUCTIVE, POSITIVE, VALUABLE RELATIONSHIPS with other women?

 Love,

Ness